Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
