that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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