I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
