I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think i got beer on your cat.
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