I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I currently don't understand fingers.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
