he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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