he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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