My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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