Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You're like the curious george of whores
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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