small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
