i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
