dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
