Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
