I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
