Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
