hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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