Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
