The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
