I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
