there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
