I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
