This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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