You're my little dorito
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
