Screwed.edu
Do vagina's smell?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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