There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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