Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
