the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
