You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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