well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
