I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
