I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
