don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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