If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
