i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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