so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
