idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
