Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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