worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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