she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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