we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
