Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
