my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
