Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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