I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My ATM looks so different sober.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
