i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
