evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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