Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
