I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Houston, we have a squirter
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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