"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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