As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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